Out for a while

I'll be out and sort of about for while. Hopefully a couple months, no more and no less with me graduating at the end of it all. Here is an email I just sent out to friends and family whose email I have.

I'm headed back to Ranger School again. This should be the real deal this time. Again, I will need and will appreciate all of your prayers for me. It will definitely be one of the hottest and most memorable furnaces of my life. Please pray that God gives me the strength, endurance, determination, wisdom and understanding to make it through all the tasks put before me. That He would give me favor in the eyes of my peers and in the eyes of my instructors. And most of all that I will cling to Him in the midst of it all and glorify Him before everyone I'm around. That He'll give me the focus to see AND obey whenever I have an opportunity to point others to Jesus.

I would love to see you when I graduate from this school down in Fort Benning, GA. Here are the possible graduation dates for me. The first being when I hope and pray I'll graduate, the latter dates being if I must repeat any part of the school.

May 26
June 30
Aug 4
Aug 25

I just looked at an old email I sent out previously and thought I'd just copy and paste what prayers I requested. So these too, in additon to what I said above, please. Haha.

1) That in the midst of it all, we keep the main thing, the main thing by taking the time to get in His word and hide it in our hearts (Matt. 22.37-40)

2) A desire to do all things for the glorification and proclamation of Jesus

3) Joy and rejoicing that all tribulations and sufferings are God's working in our lives (Romans 5.3-5)

4) Perseverance, perseverance, perseverance and FAITH in God's power to get us through all things and that no matter what happens we will praise God's name and trust that He uses it all
5) That when things do not turn out like we hope that we'll not waste time dwelling on what is behind by asking "why?" but rather focus our attention on the present and the future by asking "what now?"
6) That we will boldly proclaim the mystery of the gospel through our words, actions and attitudes (Eph. 6.19-20)
7) That we will ourselves be shrewd and make the most of every opportunity (Luke 16.10)

8) Strength and wholeness of spirit, mind and body

9) A sense of humor and a worshipful heart that praises God's beauty, mercy and grace in all circumstances


And here are mailing addresses you can send mail to while I'm at Ranger school and it should reach me.

The first 3 weeks or so (Phase 1):

Brett Wilson
Benning
4th RTB
ATTN: Class 27 March 06
10850 Schneider Rd
Fort Benning, GA 31905

The second 3 weeks - post (Phase 2)

Brett Wilson
Mountain
5th RTB
ATTN: Class 27 March 06
1 Camp Merrill
Dahlonega, GA 30533-1802

The third 3 weeks - post (Phase 3)

Brett Wilson
Florida
6th RTB
ATTN: Class 27 Marc 06
6069 Walkers Lane
Camp James E Rudder
Eglin AFB, FL 32542



Any letters you send will be like solid gold. Be aware that sending food may not get to me. You can try if you want, but I'm not sure when the opportunities will arise for us to be able to eat it. There are only a couple times when they let us eat food from care packages. Letters with a picture or two is certainly good at any time. I know I must sound like a broken record, so thanks for reading the same requests over and over.

I love you all and will be thinking of you and praying for you.

Trusting in Him. Trying to follow Him.

Brett

Strange Tools of a Wonderfully Mysterious Master Craftsman

There was a gathering tonight at the home I'm staying at. A friend shared something cool. This is what God said to him through the genealogy we usually skim over.

Matthew 1.

In the genealogy there are thieves, murderers, adulterers, a prostitute and a whole slew of other people that were messed up, jacked up, and dorked up sinners that God used to bring glory to His name. Not only that but He used them to bring forth THE crowning glory of all time who would conquer sin and death and make The Way for all who would believe: Jesus.

We must obey the Rabbi. "Go and sin no more." But let us not listen to the lies of the enemy that say we are useless to God because of our failures. No, Jesus, who was given all authority in heaven and earth, saw fit to put it in our hands to share the vital news of His sacrifice and to make disciples of Him in all the earth. (Matt. 28.18-20) He could have done anything He wanted. He doesn't NEED us. He has chosen to give us the undeserved honor of being His vessels to a broken and needy world.

"Higher up and further in!"

Grandma and me

I'm asking for your prayers for myself and for my grandmother. It is interesting that we're both going into trials on the same day. I'll be starting Ranger School this Monday morning, early around 0400 and my grandmother will be going in for hip replacement surgery around four hours later. My trials will hopefully not be life or death, but her's will be. Now, hip replacement is not normally a life threatening procedure, but when you're 93 years old, well, it is. So please pray for her.

As for me, please pray that God will get me straight through in two months and that I endure through all the tests and hardships of the training. Please pray that I would have favor in the eyes of my peers and the instructors. Please pray that I do all for the glory of the Father and that I never quit or give him less than my best. Please pray that I am a light and a blessing to my peers. That I show them the love of Jesus in the midst of a hard place and that I point them to Him with my words and actions.

The one and only Edythe Calhoun

Please pray that the Father's will will be done. Other than her hip giving her constant and intense pain she is in wonderful condition for someone her age. At least one doctor said that she could easily live to be 100+. But her hip has progressively deteriorated to the point where she would rather take the chance of death than continue to live in increasing pain and decreasing mobility. So please pray that she'll continue living. I'm not sure that I am ready for her to go be with the Father, even though she is ready for either outcome.

I wish I could express even a small part of how awesome a woman my Grandma is. She is not perfect. She isn't without flaw. But she is wonderful. She is naive and childlike. She is encouraging and challenging. She is forgetful and sometimes fearful. She is protective and patient. She is gullible. She is sweat to everyone. She has snored as long as I can remember. She serves every way she is able. She sings with her lips curled over her teeth so her dentures don't fall out. She sings at 93 better than most of us will ever sing. She has half a dozen notebooks for contact information and usually can't remember where she put any of them. She reads everything, word for word, that passes through her hands (several times because she forgot that she has already read it). She underlines anything in the Bible that moves her in some way (almost all of it is underlined). She dyes her hair brown. She tries to give up her bed to her guests, without fail. She sees potential for greatness where anyone else just sees the mundane. She will listen to anyone's story for as long as they want to talk. She has plenty of stories herself and loves to tell the same ones over. Every time she eats something, it is the best of that dish she has ever had. Each piece of fruit is the sweetest she's ever tasted. She always views everyone else as more important than herself. She prays for me everyday. She prays for so many people everyday (if her body let her, she would be on her knees before her Precious Savior). She cries over in pain in life, hers and everyone else's. She rejoices in all the wonderful things of life. She gives to anyone who asks of her. She loves, she loves, she loves. All who meet her love her.

Please pray for my Grandma, Edythe Calhoun. She gave me my first bath when I came home from the hospital when I was born. She prayed with me as I asked Jesus into my heart. She loved me before I ever knew what love was. She... is inexplicable. God delights in her. And He loved her before anyone knew what love was.

She is His craftmanship and I thank Him for every moment I've had with her. May I have more. Please let me have many more moments with her, Father.

How great is our God

Today went as unexpectedly as each day seems to go. Run this morning followed by a silent breakfast with a couple of my peers. Mostly silent that is. I'll try and come back to this.

Then to a coffee shop this morning after being released from any duties to the Army for a while. My friend and I intended on staying for a few hours and then we would each go do some other things. Jason would run some errands. I would go sleep myself silly (this week has been particularly full with the comings and goings of ministry related activity). We ended up staying there the better part of the morning and into the afternoon. Outside of the Word, I was reading in an interesting book by Tim Lahaey, the Left Behind guy, I think. Only this is called Why You Act the Way You Do. It is all about personality types and I'm finding it a very quick, interesting and certainly applicable book. Applicable in enabling me to have a better understanding of myself and others. Turns out I'm a "Melancholy/Phlegmatic." That is to say I'm predominately melancholy with phlegmatic as my secondary personality. I won't go into explaining any of that. I recommend looking into it for yourself.

After much reading, my friend and I squared off across a checker board. A moment of confession: I hate loosing. I love winning. I love playing games where I know I stand a good chance of winning. I don't enjoy playing games that I stand a good chance of loosing. I like strategy but I think I'm always frustrated by my inability to quickly and easily see multiple moves in advance. Ergo I torture my opponents with ridiculously long games anytime they coerce me into games such as checkers, chess, and the like. As my beloved brother Josh will tell you (who has a much faster and adept mind than I, hence my constant reluctance to take him on head to head) I rarely will sit down to such a worthy game as Risk or Axis and Allies. "It's not you, it's me." I hate the long drawn out agony of the competition, only to be left with the bitter taste of defeat. What it comes down to is that I've been a bad sport all my life. I'm no fun to play with unless I'm beating you, and that isn't all that much fun, I suppose. So I didn't really enjoy it when an... ungracefully aging woman happened by and felt the need to comment on our game with the tone of, "boy your are idiots. Don't you see what to do. Just look at the board." I lost to my friend shortly thereafter.

Oh, so back to the silent breakfast and I'll tie in a connection to the book I read and frustrations I've been experiencing lately. Primarily people want to be comfortable. At least in our society. If it is not the primary concern it is certainly one of the top priorities of our culture. Comfort can mean a variety of things. And to my natural fleshly self, my melancholy/phlegmatic self, I am constantly finding that I don't like being confrontational; I don't naturally enjoy being awkward in my relationships and conversations with people. I want it all to flow nice and smoothly and I usually have a hard time finding natural feeling ways to turn conversations (with people that aren't trying to follow God) on to subjects of eternal value, which it so happens stand a good chance of being... uncomfortable. So, why am I saying all this? Not sure. I suppose in order to challenge those of you that may experience the same tendencies and to ask for prayer, too. Let us not be abashed: "I am not ashamed of the gospel, because it is the power of God for the salvation of everyone who believes." Romans 1.16 Also, let us not use any excuse to be obedient to Jesus as laborers in the harvest, even such a seemingly legitimate excuse as "this is how you made me God." God knows how He made us (Psalm 139). But we are His slaves and we must push through our weakness by the power of the Spirit. "From everyone who has been given much, much will be required; and to whom they entrusted much, of him they will ask all the more." Consider this: Luke 12.47-48 He does not ask for excuses. He asks for a return on the investment He has made in us. Granted, it seems as though the Master will accept even mere interest (Luke 19.23), but why should we ever aim for the minimum? He has done so much for us. What excuses do we make to wait till tomorrow to obey? To Him who lacks wisdom, let him ask for it and the Father will grant it. We must ask Him to show us what knowledge we lack and then in love obey according to that knowledge.

That is what is on my mind. How great is our God, that He should count us as anything? That He should work in our hearts? That He should save any? That He has not forgotten me yet or ever been unfaithful? As my beloved grandmother says, He is "great and glorious."

"You look like uh baby!"

It seems I am not only young in appearance but under the analysis of some random person that wrote this test I act younger than my actually age.

(Had trouble with stupid thing and couldn't get it to work. I'm "20." If you don't understand go to my friend Abigail's blog and you'll understand what I tried put in this space, i.e. cake thingy with explanation of age meanings and link to test. Sorry, I still ain't blog savvy. Savvy?)

To explain the title: I'm in the dining facility one day and as I get up to put my food tray on the rack a government equivalent of the public school lunch lady says, "You look like uh baby!" At first I just heard some comment with "baby" at the end and thought she was trying to come on to me. "What?" I said, rather confused. "You look like uh baby!" "Oh," I thought, "she's not trying to flirt with me, she just emasculating me for anyone who is listening." So yes, thanks lunch lady, it is good to know that though I'm about to go lead men in combat, I look like a baby. Thanks for boosting that ol' self-image thing up for me. Every little bit helps.

"...I pray the Lord my soul to take..."

I pray for clarity. I pray that I not give up following after God because it is hard. I pray I'll push through the fog and wait patiently for the sunlight. I pray that God does awesome things and I pray that I have the honor of being a part of it. I pray that do not settle. I pray that I become more and more like Jesus.

Lucy and Aslan

I suppose I'm posting on too serious of subjects to get any responses. Or perhaps no one is reading. That may be for the best. I wouldn't know which was happening since I'm not very blog savvy. I don't know how to get a count on those sort of things as some people seem to have.

Well, without any sign of letting up, here is another hard thing to ponder. I meant to mention this the other day but forgot.

Here is the issue: God is not a respecter of man. He has, does and will move in ways we would neither expect or imagine in order to bring glory to His name. And as my dear C.S. Lewis said so beautifully concerning Jesus, "'Safe?' said Mr. Beaver...'Who said anything about safe? 'Course he isn't safe. but he's good. He's the King, I tell you.'"

The reason I bring this up is that I pose to you, how far would God go to get the attention of one man? Just one man that God is calling out to. One man that God is offering a choice to, of belief in Him for eternity, or eternal regret. Well, think what you want. But you'll have a hard time convincing me to alter my belief concerning the events of two weeks ago. So here it is: two weekends past, five people died. Three in one automobile accident. The other two in as many separate and unrelated incidents. Five people. Nothing would connect them except that they were all the friends of one man here at Fort Benning. He's been exploring the claims and observing the lives of Christians while here. He's been seeking an answer to the question, "who is God?" And it seems as though God has given an answer. What kind of an answer? Why this? Why five people? For this one man? It seems so.

We all then must hold on to our lives very lightly. God is not a safe Lion. He is not always a gentle Lamb. But He is good.

A Long Digestion

I guess this needs to be quick to make sure I get it in on time to meet my daily quota... I'll try. Wie ich habe schon gesagt: ich bin immer langsam. Trotzdem...

God has made us all the way we are for a reason. I believe that. I also believe He has put us in environments and situations for a very specific reason.

I've mentioned the ministry I've been a part of here in Georgia. To abbreviate things, I would say that one characteristic that could describe it would be fruitcentric. No. That is too limited a view. That is what I feel like it is right now. I'm not getting anywhere in my head or on this post. It has taken several minutes to get this far.

Okay here we go. Vomit time.

I want to be fruitful. God has made it clear throughout scripture that He wants us to be fruitful in... well I should think almost if not all aspects of our lives. Jesus made it clear over and over again that we must be fruitful (Luke 13.6-8, Matt. 7.15-20, Mark 4. 2-25, Matt. 25.14-29, Matt. 28.18-20). But the fruit must be of the Father's production, no? He has nourished me here. He has given me nutrients and pruning and good sunlight and shade. All those things combined should produce fruit, no? I suppose there are many manifestations of fruit. Well, this could go several ways, the point I'm trying a round about way to get to is the idea of helping others by pointing them to Jesus, challenging them, etc. as being a form or fruit. This is true. John 14.15 If I truly love Jesus I will obey Him. I want to obey Him. I want to help others know Him. I don't want to make someone my project. I don't want to be someone else's project.

But can I reject the flames that the Father has lit to refine me. No. Well, perhaps. But that would be rejecting the Father, oder? Perhaps none of this makes sense. I apologize if you're reading and it doesn't. I'm just trying to make sense of it myself. Trying to understand how to obey out of love, how to accept the Father's instruction, the Master's command to His slave, how to love my neighbor and point Him to the Master with that love - for Jesus and that neighbor - as the motivator and not out of guilt, some compunction to check the block so that I can report back to someone else, "oh this is who I've helped (so don't poke me, cus see, there, I've met my quota)."

Frankly, that is bulls@%$ and it frustrates me.

Sadly, that aversion to... the possible side-effects of... trying to be obedient led to ultimately stagnation for... oh, the better part of the last nine years for me. I must be faithful with what Christ has given me, or even that will be taken from me. Perhaps I am the tree from Luke 13.6-8. Perhaps this is the year the gardner has bought for me before the Master has me chopped down. But perhaps even this (well, to use the title of the blog) "rumination" is in itself some form of meager fruit and it would be enough for the Master to not chop me down. But if it is partly in my hands, why leave it here at this fruit (if it is truly fruit at all (and would it really be fruit if I did not then go forth and obey after all this contemplation, or would it be like the fig tree from Mark 11.12-14, which only appeared to have fruit from a distance?))? Why be as fruitful as I can be? There if no reasoning sufficient to justify being less fruitful than possible.

One more thing that troubles me: Jesus cursed the fig tree because it had no fruit, yet "when he reached it, he found nothing but leaves, because it was not the season for figs." What does that mean?

Na gut. Ich habe doch nicht den Takt geschlagen. Der Sonntag wird ein Doppel-Post Tag sein.

(Wenn Sie mein schlechte Deutsch verstanden wollen (vielleicht, wenn Sie gluecklich sind), sind diese Website ziemlich gut: www.leo.org oder http://babelfish.altavista.com/ )

Bis naechste mal!

"Double Time... MARCH!"

Well, it seems the time has arrived. Plans have changed. New things are in the making that have never happened before. There will be two March Ranger classes. Or rather, for the first time there will be an April Ranger course. Well, actually, there will be one company of lieutenants for a strange unprecedented Ranger school starting March 27th.

So as Abigail has thrown the glove at my feet, so to speak, I'll suppose I'll have to rise to the occasion and do some serious blogging before I head into my minimum security prison for, Lord willing, two months. So yes, lo, this is post Nummer zwei fuer Heute.

I thought I would be staying around here in Fort Benning until roughly May but the Army is in the hurt box for us wonderful LTs. So in my case it is go now or don't go at all and just get sent to your unit. So to Ranger school I go a skipping.

It will be a hard time. A furnace in manifold ways. Much can be learned, much can be gained, much can be lost. I pray that I will remain faithful to Him, as He is ever faithful to me. I pray that I cling to Him like never before. I pray that the light of His love will shine all the brighter through us His children in a dark place. I know He has gone before me. How great is our God, our King, our Lord, our Master, our Beloved?

So on a more random info note: had a movie checked out and I was late. Took it back today. Left with four DVD's. 2 for 2 deal. I'm the dork that will by 10 for 10 of cereal boxes at grocery stores. I'm the "deal" idiot. Dangle a piece of cheese in front of me and I'll go for it.

Oh, also, if you happened to read Abigail's post today then you heard about her run in with the fuzz. As I was driving this evening I was thinking about her getting pulled over as I came up a hill. On top of said hill was mr. po-po I assume to catch villains such as myself. I was a good 10 to 15 miles over the speed limit. Didn't get stopped for reasons unknown to me. Sorry Abigail. Better luck next time.

Chewing on the Cud

Is anyone else as slow as me? I usually feel like my brain consists of mostly mush. How do I process all the data? How do we gain wisdom? I know, I know. Ask for it. How then do we obey? Obey...?

Wasted opportunities. But then there were great opportunities God threw in my lap and I had no choice but to speak the Truth. Focus. That is what is needed. Focus.

I was able to sit in on a great conversation with the men I live with and some friends (who I until recently lived with). The topic was a little varied. Starting off with the stressing of the immanent coming of the Kingdom of God. The Kingdom is at hand. We must take hold of every moment we have to spread the good news. To let others know.

It amazes me how little I know. How small my perspective. How small my faith. Alas, it is good to be challenged. It is good to have people to look up to. It is okay to be precisely where I am. Where else could I be? I am a slow learner. I/we must plead for God's help to understand more and more of what it means to follow Him, so be His slave, to focus ALL my/our energy on the pursuit of what is eternal: "Only one life, twill soon be past, only wht was done for Christ will last."

We are not our own. We are slaves. It is not a question of obedience. "Which of you, having a slave plowing or tending sheep, will say to him when he has come in from the field, 'Come immediately and sit down to eat'? But will he not say to him, 'Prepare something for me to eat, and properly clothe yourself and serve me while I eat and drink'? He does not thank the slave because he did the things which were commanded, does he? So you too, when you do all the things which are commanded you, say, 'We are unworthy slaves; we have done only that which we ought to have done.' "

Jesus, please continue to be patient with me/us. Thank You for the honor and pleasure to be in the game. Thank You for wanting to use me/us to win the victory You could so easily achieve on your own without me. I/we am/are slow Jesus. You know me/us better than I/we know myself/ourselves. You've said that You will complete the good work you've begun in me/us (Phil. 1.6). Please remember that promise. I/we am/are only the pot, Great Potter. What can I/we achieve apart from You? How can I/we question your craftsmanship of me/us? Lead me/us in the way that I/we should go, Dearest, my Beloved. I/we desire to be fruitful. I/we desire to magnify you. Refine me/us. Make me/us a sharper tool for the glory of your name.

Q is for Question

So who did Jesus spend his time with? The twelve mostly. Just a few guys.

What about the crowds? It seems that Jesus's main goal was to train His disciples in the context of helping the masses. Look closely at the Gospels. Who did he really want to spend His energy on? The truly hungry or the vaguely curious? Look at Mark4 and the Parable of the Sower and the Four Soils. Who did he explain it to? Those that asked Him what it meant. The twelve and other close disciples, but not the "very large crowd."

What does that mean for us?

What is the difference between helping someone and training someone? Who did he help? Who did he train?

Would you rather eat only American cheese for a year and nothing else, or have one of your arms tied to your side for a year?

Would you rather have eagle like vision or a dog's sense of smell?

Talk amongst yourselves. Anyone have any thoughts?

O' Dark-Thirty...

Okay, so here I am. I'm on SDO tonight. I'm the alternate Staff Duty Officer for the battalion for a 24 hour period. It is about 17.5 hours into it. I'm not supposed to be on the internet. Why? I'm not sure. However, I don't feel to bad about it. There is nothing else to do. The laptop I'm trying to watch movies on is messing up. I've been reading for the better part of the day, granted it wasn't the most productive reading since it was interupted frequently, but nonetheless...

I'm a big fan of the instruction sheet posted here at the desk. One of the last bullets reads:

"Internet - Do not get on internet. Good luck trying anyhow. (Actually, just opend 'SDO Reports' folder and type desired wibpage into the address space. Be advised that the internet does suck most times."

So it is hard to have a guilty conscience right now.

Again, I'm nearly stopped before I start with blogging because I don't know where to start. I suppose that is almost always my problem. Where do I start? Where do I start thinking? Where do I start acting? Where do I start believing? Well, maybe this will help with at least the first.

First off: thinking. I'm tempting to go with feelings, but I think that might be too big a muddled wad of yarn to try and lay out clearly and in such a manner that it makes sense to anyone. Of course, the whole point of this is really not to help anyone else but me. I'm selfish. I admit it. But I'm also kept silent from this self-therapy by those "anyone elses." You. It is all in my head. I guess I'm stuck with the stumbling block of not wanting to appear the fool. Appear the stupid or the base. I want to come across, though I know it to be false, as the one who has a bead on things. No of course that is ridiculous. So instead, as is often my habit, I want to come across as the one that is aware of my short sighted perspective and yet, don't forget, I'm still doing better than "you." Even this stupid blog is a freaking self-centered, self-loathing, me-monster attempt at displaying the endless reflections of me, feigning to be striving for an outward focus. Holy crap that probably doesn't make sense to anyone. It barely makes sense to me.

That it or leave it.

I guess something you might be wondering is what I'm doing down here besides sitting behind a desk for 24 hour periods interupted by periodical inspections. The ministry I've mentioned I'm a part of is simply put, focused on discipleship. It is wild how much this simple thought has clarified some things for me. If Jesus was not only our savior but also our model what does that mean? It means, let us consider what Jesus did. Who did He spend His time with? With what purpose?

I've started this half-baked thing and possed these questions and now I'm feeling totally out of steam. Coa-coa ain't cuttin' it. Coffee is what I need. Looks like I ain't gettin it. I'll try and get back to this thing after some sleep. And after some coffee. Maybe I can stay awake by watching movies if only this laptop with cooperate...

"...the Lord directs his steps."

God answered our prayers and saw fit to guide my commander to let me and my bud Charlie to postpone going to Ranger School till May. Thank you all for your prayers and encouragement. Please pray that these next two months will be fruitful and full of new opportunities for my compadres and me to be challenged and learn from the Rabboni. Oh, and that we'll get to go to the May Ranger School. Thank you for each prayer.

And tonight, five friends have birthdays within a few days of one another so we're going to party like its 2009!

I "Wonder What's Next"

Today has been packed with serious prayer and deliberation. Should I go to Ranger School this coming Monday or should I ask to wait until May? Das ist hier die Frage. He left it unclear to me, either way. Should I go get started and look for every opportunity to reach out to guys there, and basically head into the unknown? Or should I ask to wait till May and stay in an environment I know has been a rich environment for my growth. I don't know if anyone else says this, but in the Army it is a common saying: "I don't know what I don't know." Well, I feel like I'm just now figuring out what it is that "I don't know." Sticking with the knowledge vs ignorance motif, there is a lot of unknowns left. Will I even get into Ranger School in May? If not, will they send me to my unit without letting me go? By the way, not being ranger qualified in the infantry as an officer is... like having a huge L tattooed on your forehead, or in our case on your shoulder. It may not actually make you tactically smarter, but if nothing else (and there is more) it gives you instant credibility anywhere you go in the Army - and lots of places in the civilian sector -especially with your unit. And credibility as an officer is sometimes hard to come by. Even with it, you have a LOT to learn. And everyone knows it.

My decision is to take that chance. I would rather show up to my unit without a tab but be better trained to disciple men, help, equip and train them in knowing God and then turning around and doing the same for others, than to show up with a Ranger tab on my shoulder and be half-baked. It is God that does any work of the heart, in any case. But why turn down extra ammo when going into combat? It may be a long time before I can be in an ammo supply point like this again. God has left the decision up to me, it would seem, by not giving me a clear direction otherwise. In my limited knowledge, I believe staying will be best for the Kingdom (Matt. 19.11-12). I will leave the unknown in God's hands and pray for a chance to go in May. I pray that when I ask my commander tomorrow he'll allow me to wait. I pray that if I do wait, God will make it a rich season (Psalm 37.3-5). If not, hey baby, Ranger School, here I come. Whatever happens, even if I choose the "wrong path" (really just the lesser of two goods), God is still sovereign His will will be accomplished and I "will not be hurled headlong, because the Lord is the One who holds [my] hand" (Psalm 37. 23-24).

To Him be the glory forever and ever.